Gossip Overload is back, and we promise we’ll never leave you for that long again! Our staff took a few days off to drink our problems away and forget the mess of 2011 that was Charlie Sheen, but we’ve returned to our natural positions of sitting in front of our computers waiting for the next Kardashian sex tape to leak. Did you miss us? We know you did!

Well since we’ve sobered up and can actually see our screen straight, we thought we’d catch you up on all that’s happened in the last week in one, all-inclusive super post, which is guaranteed to me more interesting than your New Years night which you spend crying watching Anderson Cooper alone. No? Just us? Awkward.

Either way, here’s the January dirty!

Lebron “I can’t give you a dollar because I’ve got no fourth quarter” James gets engaged

As much as we love seeing the Miami Heat’s big 3 flop on their faces, we’re kind of happy for the big guy! On New Years eve, Lebron proposed to Savannah Brison, his high-school sweetheart/ girlfriend of 8 years/ mother of his two children in front of a room full of friends and strangers, including his Miami teammates Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade. He better get one iron clad pre-nup, or that girl is going to walk away with a lot of cash!

Check out the rest after the cut!

Russel Brand files for divorce from Katy Perry

And the world was shocked! Just kidding, we all saw this coming from the start, but still… It’s a little depressing! The Christian singer and her funny man husband decided to call it quits after just a year and a half of marriage. At least they lasted longer than Kim and Kris!

Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are still a thing

Effectively making every man and every woman int he world jealous simultaneously. Could you imagine what their babies would look like? Yaoza!

Jason Sudeikis debunks rumors that he’s with an Olson sister by shacking up with Olivia Wilde

Olivia Wilde had quite the scandalous 2011– She got divorced from a prince (who divorces a prince?!), was rumored to be dating Justin Timberlake and Ryan Reynolds, and now she’s starting 2012 off in that same scandalous fashion! The In Time star has been seen all over canoodling SNL cutie Jason Sudeikis, who was previously linked to Ashley Olson. Looks like that ended just as fast as it started, because these two are heating up in the winter months! How long will it last? Any guesses?

Steven Tyler gets engaged…

…So did Michael Jordan and Aretha Franklin. In related news, I’m still single.

Teen Mom is in adult jail… Still.

One of the stars of Teen Mom, Amber Portwood, has had her share of trouble with the cops– Most of it based around her abuse on her baby daddy Gary. The reality ‘star’ has been in jail since last year (really only a couple of weeks now, but we like saying it the other way better!), and it doesn’t look like she’s going to get out any time soon. She spent both Christmas and New Years behind bars, and she’s going to remain there until her next court date.

And that’s the skinny on the start of a year that’s sure to be fat with gossip. Here’s to a scandalous year, bitches!